What's My Survival Type?

There are many articles on the web dealing with the questions of how to choose the right career, mate, or management style for your personality type.  Unfortunately, there has not yet been any attempt to provide guidance about personality based post-apocalyptic survival strategies.

Is there a “right” way to survive?  Does your zombie plan fit your personality type?  What if you don't like killing mutants?  These questions will press heavily on your mind as you huddle in your bunker, listening to reruns of the song “White Christmas” while radioactive snow falls outside.

Perhaps even as you are reading this, the world is entering the throes of nuclear winter.  Is it too late to discover your suvival type and get the edge you need to cling to life?  I am happy to say a resounding No!  There is no one is too old, too young, or too horribly mutated to enjoy the benefits of self knowledge.  Whether you are a daring Artisan, a noble Guardian, a mystical Idealist or a brilliant Rational, you can discover your personality type and use the knowledge to survive a nuclear holocaust.  In this guidebook we will look into the problem of survival by type and see how YOU can outlive the end of the world.

 

Survival Quiz

1. After nine months of continuous occupation, what will your fallout shelter look like?

A. Shipshape, tidy, and clean.  A place for everything, and everything in its place. 

B. Like ground zero if they had dropped a second nuke. 

C. Blood, blood everywhere. 

 

2. Two people are caught stealing food from the communal cache.  One of them steals the food to resell it on the black market.  The other steals from hunger.  How should these two thieves be punished?

A. Justice is blind.  The same punishment should be given to both, regardless of the circumstances.  Giving out “get out of jail free” cards for special cases only encourages further law breaking. 

B. Stealing food for the sake of greed should be punished very harshly.  However, the other thief deserves a lighter punishment since they acted out of need instead of selfishness.  One must always consider the circumstances. 

C. Kill them both!  Then steal all the food yourself!

 

3. You’re a hunter who kills mutations.  What’s your preferred way of operating?

A. I hunt in a pack. 

B. I’m a lone wolf.

C. I’m the mutation. 

 

4. Are you more like to kill an enemy:

A. In ice cold blood

B. In the furious heat of passion

C. While cackling maniacally

 

5. Are you:

A. Fast talking and silver-tongued. 

B. The strong and silent type.

C. It depends on which voice controls me at the moment. 

 

6. Sooner or later you will have to make a life or death decision.  Do you prefer to:

A. Commit to a choice as soon as you can.  The faster you can start preparing, the better.

B. Keep your options open as long as possible.  Letting yourself get boxed in can be fatal.  

C. Go insane.

 

7. Which scenario horrifies you more?

A. Being trapped in an overturned vehicle with someone making trivial small talk about their relations.

B. Being trapped in an overturned vehicle with someone droning on and on about their pet theory.

C. Being trapped in an overturned vehicle without any victims. 

 

8. Your current location is a deathtrap.  You must devise a travel plan to escape to a distant place of safety.  What is your favored approach?

A. Start off by listing off everything you know about the route you’re considering.  Consider weather conditions.  Do travel calculations.  Decide what you intend to carry.  Add up all the facts and turn them into a plan. 

B. Sketch out a general, high level outline.  It’s important to understand the big picture before fleshing out any of the nitty-gritty details.  After you’ve gotten the big stuff down, then work on the little stuff, like what gear you need to bring. 

C. Put up a sign marking your death trap as a place of safety for refugees.  You plan to stay riiiight where you are. 

 

9. You are the last survivor of the human race.  Hopeless and half mad, what do you do?

A. Your mind focuses obsessively on the facts of your predicament.  You face the unbearable truth by scratching “All dead, all dead, all dead” on every surface you can reach.  In your own blood. 

B. You indulge in cruel fantasies of imaginary friends and family.  You have always been a dreamer, and now delusions become your life. 

C. Congratulate yourself on your success. 

 

10. An inexperienced team member is getting discouraged because they never seem to kill any mutants.  What do you say to them? 

A. Critique their technique and recommend steps for improvement. 

B. Compliment them on how hard they are trying.  Encourage them to keep practicing until they get it. 

C. Eat them. 

 

11. You have stopped to get some grub at a tavern you frequent regularly.  When you arrive, the bartender points out the new house special, a drink called “The Holocaust.”  When you ask about it, the bartender only smiles mysteriously.  He assures you that your first sip will be an unforgettable experience—and no, it has never killed anyone.  But he won’t tell you what’s in it.  A couple of the other patrons are chuckling.  “Wanna try one?” the bartender asks. 

A. Sounds interesting—and probably unpleasant—but you’d prefer to spend your money on something you know you’re going to like.  “No thanks.  I’ll take my usual.”

B. This is probably going to end badly, but you’re a curious sort.  You’ll try it, if only for the novelty.  “Okay, you’ve piqued my interest.”

C. “I bet I could kill someone with it.”  You demonstrate how. 

 

12. If you prepared for the apocalypse the way you prepare for most things in life, what would you be likely to do?

A. Start your survival preparations early.  Come up with a step by step escape plan with clear-cut objectives and built-in measures of progress, then proceed deliberately through it according to the timetable. 

B. Procrastinate survival preparations until the last minute, then frantically fling a plan together at the last minute and somehow wing it. 

C. Rock and laugh, rock and laugh, rock and laugh.

 

13. Do you express yourself better:

A. On the air

B. In graffiti

C. In blood

 

14. Assume that you live in an area where nicotine is used as currency.  You discover a pack of unopened cigarettes in the dash compartment of an abandoned car.  What do you do?

A. Save them.  An unopened pack is valuable, and the longer you hold onto them, the more money you’ll get in the end.  Besides, it’s always wise to keep a reserve stored away. 

B. Spend them on a new gun, some medstims, and a hat that makes you look stylish and dangerous.  It’s better to grab what you can when you get the chance, because you never know what could happen tomorrow. 

C. Use them as bait to lure strangers into the car with you.  Then lock all the doors and let the fun begin.

 

15. How would your friends be most likely to describe you?

A. They would say that you are comfortable in the center of attention.  You stand on a table and shout, “You bet I am!”

B. They would say that you need to be drawn out of your shell.  You smile enigmatically. 

C. All of your friends died horrible deaths. 

 

16. You are running a post-apocalyptic city.  What would be more likely to result?

A. Chaos and anarchy.  Money, blood and drugs flow like water.  You are the top dog in this seething gangland, and you thrive on the madness.

B. Order and control.  Your happy, obedient Citizens are proud to call you Leader.  You are the iron hand that maintains law and discipline.

C. A mysterious nuclear explosion kills everyone but you. 

 

17. If your enemies had to describe you, would they say you are:

A. Heartlessly logical

B. Fanatically emotional

C. Violently insane

 

18. You and a friend are fighting zombies together.  Your friend turns to you and asks how many bullets you have left.  How would you be more likely to respond?

A. Quickly count the bullets up.  “Six, and four more in my pack.”

B. Answer the question you assume they're asking.  “Enough to kill four or five more zombies, I’d say.”

C. Kill your friend.  “Now I have all of mine and all of yours, hahahahaaaa!”

 

19. Which sounds worse:

A. Being stuck in a crowded bunker with people who will not shut up.

B. Being stuck alone, all alone, in a bunker. 

C. Being stuck in a bunker with only the annoying voices for company—i.e. the ones who do impressions of famous actors instead of the ones that tell you to kill things. 

 

20. If another party member kept harassing you, how would you deal with it?

A. Face them down.  You draw your gun, cock the hammer, and growl, “Don’t take this personally, but if you annoy me again you die.  Understand?”

B. You prefer a gentle approach.  Leave a dead rat and a bottle of poison on their pillow.  If they are wise they will take the hint, and harmony will be restored. 

C. Do you really have to ask?

 

Scoring

Okay, time to face the consequences of your choices.  Grab a pen, pencil, or some fresh hot blood, and fill out your answers below:

 

  1 ___    2 ___    3 ___    4 ___    5 ___ 

  6 ___    7 ___    8 ___    9 ___  10 ___

11 ___  12 ___  13 ___  14 ___  15 ___

16 ___  17 ___  18 ___  19 ___  20 ___

 

Tally up your A, B and C answers and score yourself.  (Don’t worry if anything here doesn’t make sense.  Everything will be explained in the next section.)

Introversion/Extraversion

For questions 3, 5, 13, 15, 19:

How many A answers did you get?  ____

How many B answers did you get?  ____

How many C answers did you get?  ____

If you got mostly A answers, write down “Extravert.”  If you got mostly B answers, write down “Introvert.”  If you got any C answers at all, then write down “Kill.”

Sensing/Intuition

For questions 7, 8, 9, 11, 18:

How many A answers did you get?  ____

How many B answers did you get?  ____

How many C answers did you get?  ____

If you got mostly A answers, write down “Sensor.”  If you got mostly B answers, write down “Intuitive.”  If you got any C answers at all, then write down “Kill.”

Thinking/Feeling

For questions 2, 4, 10, 17, 20:

How many A answers did you get?  ____

How many B answers did you get?  ____

How many C answers did you get?  ____

If you got mostly A answers, write down “Thinker.”  If you got mostly B answers, write down “Feeler.”  If you got any C answers at all, then write down “Kill.”

Judging/Perceiving

For questions 1, 6, 12, 14, 16:

How many A answers did you get?  ____

How many B answers did you get?  ____

How many C answers did you get?  ____

If you got mostly A answers, write down “Judger.”  If you got mostly B answers, write down “Perceiver.”  If you got any C answers at all, then write down “Kill.”

 

What four traits did you get? 

______________

______________

______________

______________

 

This is your survival type.  Now on to the next section, where you’ll find out how these cryptic four words will help you live through the next few months.  If you were using your own blood to write with, you can stem the bleeding now.  (If you weren’t the donor…I don’t wanna know.)